trying to take life one day at a time, however....

This divorce stuff sucks!!!!!!!  Carl is pissed because I didn't pay on our cell phones (which are in my name).  I told him I would not share a phone plan with him any longer.  He is mad because I used the phone money on the kids (food, clothes, shoes) instead of the phone bill.  He said he isn't coming to town now and I told him he is an asshole if he doesn't show up to see his kids after talking to them about it everyday.  He was more worried about the cell phone than his kids being taken care of.  It makes me sad bc it upsets the kids and my oldest daughter was crying thinking her daddy is mad at her.  I explained that it is not her fault and he's just mad at me.  She just finally talked to him and he told her he's made at me for being an asshole about the phone but he is still coming in town tomorrow.   It's really hard to explain to the kids why their daddy acts the way he does without talking bad about him.  I am trying so hard not to talk bad about him in front of them or to them but it's really hard.  If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.  I really want to just knock him off but I know that's the anger in me talking.  I wouldn't really to that because it would just be hurting my kids even more.        I just talked to JJ and he made me feel better about things. It's nice to have someone to talk to and to have a guys point of view.  He doesn't talk bad about Carl either just because we are seeing each other.  He seriously talks things out with me and helps me understand some things. My oldest daughter talked to him too about just normal stuff and she felt better after talking to him.  Again, advice and/or suggestions are welcome.  

Back from work tonight and it's friday.  scrubbing toilets 5 days a week isn't the greatest job but I try to have fun with it.  I cuss the urinals and toilets and talk to myself quite a lot.  Glad it's friday and off for the weekend.  

i just informed my asshole husband that i intend to file for divorce and child support.  he was a smart ass about it of course and sent me a bunch of bullshit texts trying to make me feel bad about myself and jealous.  i'm onto his head games now though.  so i had fun with it and pissed him off further and shut him up for the night.  I am dating someone else now.  I kinda felt (and still do a little) bad at first.  I've been with asshole for 15yrs and we have 2 kids.  I've never cheated or gave him any reason to think i would.  It's a little weired to be with someone else but I am liking it more and more.  Sometimes i feel as though people will look at me like i'm a whore or whatever bc i am still married but i am filing for divorce and to hell with it.  I deserve to be happy as do my kids.  hubby knows i am seeing someone else and he knows the person.  my kids know the guy i am seeing and they like him.  i made sure to talk to them about it and see how they would feel about me being with someone else and not getting back together with their dad.  they said they are fine with it and that's what's important to me.  i know it's going to be hard to go through the divorce process and i won't be able to keep to two relationships totally separate.  trying to take things one day at a time but it's not easy.  i hope things work out with jj and it doesn't turn into a rebound relationship.  of course i wasn't looking to get into a relationship or even date anyone right now.  it just worked out that way.  we've been friends and i am friends with his sister.  we started talking and figured out that we really like each other and want to see where it goes.  i keep asking him if he's sure he knows what he's getting into since he's never been married, has no kids, and his 9 yrs younger than me.  he says he's 110 percent sure.  so, we will see what happens.  right now i'm happy with the way things are going with him.  

hey people, what's up?  I'm am working on getting my blog started.  be patient please.  in other news,

i am having a hard time dealing with my marriage. i left my husband two and half weeks ago.  he moved to another city about 100 miles or so away a week later.  he wants to work things out and i change my mind everyday.  he is an asshole one day and says all this bullshit about me and then it's "I love you and i'm working on changing and getting my act together" and then it's back to the bullshit. Plus we have two kids so of course we are conected for life through them.  I love him but a lot of time i really don't like him. we've been married for 10yrs and rarely has he ever put his family first.  he hasn't stuck with a job for more than a few months at a time and when he gets paid he buys smoke first before anything.  He's asked me to give him til the summer to change.  Right now i've decided to focus on taking care of the kids and getting our own place (we are living with my little sister and her husband and daughter). If anyone has suggestions let 'em flow.  Also, i have one guy calling me that is suppose to be a mutal friend but likes me and i could have him if i wanted but i don't like him that way.  crazy crazy crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!